What follows is a compilation of random quotations I've accumulated over the months that I felt were amusing and/or thought, "OMFG That's horrible ROFLMFAO."

My apologies if any of these offend anyone. I have an odd sense of humor.
New additions will be listed at the bottom in
bold. Enjoy.
~"I'm the Lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll get drunk and beat up some midgets." - Family Guy
~"I warsh myself with a rag on a stick..." - The Simpsons
~"That's not scary." "It is if you're a laser printer." - Futurama
~"Shiny Acetate Man Panties." - Frasier
~"Yo, Boo! You got me straight trippin'" - Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
~"It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain." - Sealab 2021
~"It's all fun and games 'til someone gets SARS." - Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
~"He's a male bimbo... He's a Mimbo." - Seinfeld
~"Kiss my Shiny Metal Ass!" - Futurama
~"What a difference a gay makes." - Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
~"Those wings make your ass look SO Fierce!!!" - Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
~"We're on it. Like a hobo on a ham sandwich!" - Lee Jeans commercial
~"Let's make like a tree, and go." - Lee Jeans commercial
~"For every sprinkle I find, I shall KILL you!" - Family Guy
~"G'day mate. How's your bum for warts?" - Crocodile Hunter
~"Shut up, or I'll pop ya in the pooter 'til your butt bleeds!" - Lunar: Silver Star Story (outtake)
~"Yo Ho! Yo Ho! An alternative lifestyle for me!" - The Simpsons
~"Honey, those aren't children. They're packets of cream cheese." - Space Ghost: Coast to Coast
~"I'm a knife...Knifin' around...Cut Cut Cut Cut Cut Cut Cut Cut..." - Space Ghost: Coast to Coast
~"Stop eating my Sesame Cake!!!" - Congo
~"It's the Ohio State 'Dancin' Dumbass'!" - X Play
~"Master, sir, did you see my MAD SKILLZ?" - Xenogears
~"If I were a vacuum cleaner, and you were a vacuum cleaner too; we would SO get it on." - The Brak Show
~"A two-hit combo! With super-size fries!!!" - Rurouni Kenshin (Sanosuke outtake)
~"Soujiro, Usui, and Anji will stay here and fight the Battousai. I'm going out for a cappucino." - Rurouni Kenshin (Shishio outtake)
~"Bizarro I love you! Bizarro I love you! Bizarro! I'm helping! I'm helping you!" - Sealab 2021
~"Most VHS tapes made in that era were damaged in 2446 during the second coming of Jesus." - Futurama
~"The will to live is absolutely essential. ROCK ON, Kenshin." - Rurouni Kenshin (Hiko outtake)
~"Fool me 7 times, shame on you. Fool me 8 or more times, shame on me." - Futurama
~"I was taken advantage of because I couldn't move. I wanted to call it date rape, but my lawyer thought I didn't have a case." - Rurouni Kenshin (Shishio outtake)
~"Keep the umbrella, it's broken." - Rurouni Kenshin (Hiko outtake)
~"On a cold winter night, a god named Takanimako-wa..... Oh hell with it, his name was Steve..." - Rurouni Kenshin (outtake)
~"I have voluntary Tourrettes." - Robin Williams
~"The existence of flamethrowers proves that somewhere, someone once thought to themselves, 'Ya know, I'd really like to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'" - somebody on AN forums
~"Please don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate!" - The Simpsons
~"We've got to get rid of those Furbies; they've turned feral." - The Simpsons
~"The forest... It's too quiet. What happened to the birds? The animals? ... I can't hear any fish!!!" - Rurouni Kenshin (Kenshin outtake)
~"It's all about the bling-bling." - Rurouni Kenshin (Saitoh outtake)
~"I hope you get run over by a parked truck." - Matt Heimerl
~"'Are you bringing any drugs into Jamaica?' 'Bring drugs INTO Jamaica!? That's like bringing Slim-Fast into Ethiopia.'" - D.C. Benny
~"You smell like dead bunnies." - The Simpsons
~"..........................................Baka." - Houshin Engi
~"Oh Mighty Yamses, we are weary of building your Great Food Pyramid. Let my pickles go." - The Simpsons
~"I feel like I was mauled by Jesus." - Futurama
~"I'm trying to give you cancer with my mind." - South Park
~"'Oh Bender, we love you!' 'Shut up, baby, I know it.'" - Futurama
~"Yo, brethren, what up with thee?" - Bruce Almighty
~"Ohhh... You silly monkey in da bush..." - Mad TV
~"Talketh to the hand, for the face doth not listen." - Woglinde on Xenosaga.com forums
~"My only hope is this homemade Prozac. Hmm...needs more ice cream." - The Simpsons
~"I can't be the best detective in the universe with coffee grounds in my shoe... Yeah, okay." - Lost Universe
~"I smell tuna." - Lost Universe
~"Why does the Universal Space Force suck so bad!?" - Lost Universe
~"My mommy thinks I'm cool." - The Simpsons
~"Now Kane, you're much too young for that bottle of hooch!" - Lost Universe
~"Fool!!! Killing you 10,000 times wouldn't be proof of ANYTHING!" - Rurouni Kenshin manga
~"It's a Fresh New Hell every day." - Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
~"I've always been strong, Potato-Face!" - Lost Universe
~"'Hey, Ace. Do you have any more of that gum?' 'That's none of your damn business, and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.'" - Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
~"Quit bein' a bitch and pill me up." - Sealab 2021
~"Step aside, or I shall strike you down with my battered blade forged in corn oil." - Space Ghost: Coast to Coast
~"One's in danger of getting bubbles up one's whoops-a-daisy!" - Travelocity commercial
~"No, you don't wanna suck that one... That's the Potty Tentacle." - Sealab 2021
~"Freaking out on Ali-Baba drugs!!!" - Excel Saga
~"Paradise is kinda like Disneyland... with hookers." - Lupin III
~"I'm Rick James, BITCH!" - Chappelle's Show
~"'These jeans are a little tight.' 'Yeah, they're like a cheap hotel... No ball room.'" - Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
~"Strange things are a-foot at the Circle K." - Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
~"Me fail English? That's unpossible." - The Simpsons
~"An IQ of 167? That's unusual for a Christian." - The Simpsons
~"I can't believe it's not squalor." - Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
~"'Mooooooooom, Ben Affleck is naked in my bed.' 'Ooo, looks like the tooth fairy was extra happy with you...'" - South Park
~"She's probably with her friends, doing something religious; like bombing abortion clinics." - Tripping the Rift
~"Mel Gibson's 'The Passion of the Christ' grosses $200 million in the box office in it's first two weeks of release. I smell a sequel." - The Daily Show
~"Can I count to 3? For God's sake, I'm already shooting at a Fifth Grade level." - Family Guy
~"Tomorrow's forecast? A few sprinkles of genius with a chance of DOOM." - Family Guy
~"He puts my Hobochili in the mailbox." - Otimus on LiveJournal
~"Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!" - T-shirt
~"Life isn't passing me by. It's trying to run me over." - Killswitchclick on LiveJournal
~"Caffeine-free coffee is like Ibuprofen-free Advil. Why bother?" - AisuFaia on LiveJournal
~"I'm a fan of Macross, NOT Robotech. You say Veritech, I say Valkyrie. You say Gladiator, I say Spartan. You say Spartan, I say Phalanx. Just so we're clear." - Ben Wright
~"Alright, sir. Come on back. I have a Sig Sauer that's just DYING to to give you a 40 calibur kiss." - Killswitchclick on LiveJournal
~"That toilet was DISGUSTING. It was not fit for Christian butt-cheeks." - Chappelle's Show
~"'Lovely traveling accomadations, wouldn't you say?' 'Oh, yes. First class and No class.' 'Hey, be careful with that joke, it's an antique.'" - Family Guy
~"Idle hands spend time at the genitals, and we all know how God hates that." - Aqua Teen Hunger Force
~"Bling Bling. Who's there? Oooooooooooooh... It's Peanut's money..." - Harvey Birdman: Attorney At Law
~"'Where'd you get the money for all this?' 'Selling pot..........holders. Made of hemp.'" - Sealab 2021
~"If I got smart with you, how would you know?" - T-shirt
~"Thou shalt have no other search engine before Google, for thy Google is a jealous Google, and will bug your computer!"
~"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?" - ~
marcelokronberg~"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me!" - ~
self-indulgence~"'You went to Catholic School for 12 years, so why aren't you Catholic?' 'I...went to Catholic School for
12 years...'" - Jimmy Dore
~"The reply button is your friend. No matter how much you stand him up, use him, abuse his emotions, pig out on his ice cream after your "boyfriend" that he told you was scum dumps you, and neglect him...he'll always be there. For you." - `
eskirinabsolute~"I'm off like a prom dress!" - Quatres_Star on LiveJournal
~"Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again." - Sign seen on someone's fence.
~"Jesus is coming! LOOK BUSY!!!!" - bumper sticker
~"Bart! You're no longer in Sunday School. Don't swear!" - The Simpsons
~"Jesus saves! He clips coupons and shops at Wal-Mart!" - bumper sticker
~"My gravy hurts, please pass the testicles." - Kevin Medina
~"I have animal magnetism. Whenever I go outside, squirrels stick to my clothes." - T-shirt
~"Note to Self: Do not eat pink insulation. NOT cotton candy." - T-shirt
~"Every time you speak 1337 God kills a kitten." - ~
Neomage~"If ignorance is bliss, then you must be blessed with a permanent orgasm." - ~
GarradAM ~"If you're too open-minded, your brain will fall out." - T-shirt
~"A wise man once said, 'I don't know, ask a girl.'" - T-shirt
~"Reality and I had a fundamental differing of opinions. We're currently undergoing trial separation." - ~
Ice-Princess~"So there we were, talking about masturbation, and a spelling-bee broke out." - *
sacking-jimmy~"Love is like Super Mario 3; there's all these different levels... Except you don't have to fight Koopa at the end." - ~
junglechink~"I think I'm going to make an anime series starring Jesus, as he tries to make a living rapping about evolution, while confronting his own homosexual urges." - `
Swordgleam~"And now, I'm going to dress as a Southern Belle and snort Captain Crunch." - Lee Sydnor
~ "Move your ass before I shove my car up it!!!" - ~
Blade-Angel during a fit of road rage driving home from college in Daytona Beach.~"It's an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, and sauteed in question sauce." - Jeremy Elbourne
~"Trigonometry is the educational equivalent to a running faucet."

- Me
~"Your food stamps will be stopped effective today because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." - South Carolina Department of Social Services
~"I'm going to stab you now, with bullets." -
VG Cats~"It's the hot dog highway! Beep Beep!" - Kids Show
~"My horse's name is Taco." - Lee Sydnor
~"You've got talents like apple biznallance." - Matt Heimerl
~"God forbid it had to have a force-field around it" - Matt Heimerl
while trying to open his Saran-Wrap covered sandwich at lunch.
~"I can use my Mom's drapes to make a Jenova costume!" - "Lab Created Diamond"
when asked what he was cosplaying as for our Halloween Party.
~"Hooray for boobies! ... So how's the Bible reading going?" - ~
azurevision~"'Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert.' 'If I don't survive, tell my wife, "Hello."'" - Futurama
~"'Scalpel! ... Blood-bucket! ... Priest! Next patient!' 'Jeez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill..."' - Futurama
~"I'm'a make you some cous-cous pancakes!" - Lee Sydnor
~"I'm busier than a three-legged dog trying to bury a turd in a frozen lake..." - ~
jkrende~"My uterus is telling me to go get chocolate now... so I shall be right back.. damn uterus.. X_x" - Sporflefruit on Livejournal